BLUE COUP D’ETAT

I have a group of tingles that are lodged in the back of my left shoulder, something like a ghost patting my back, a shiver without cold.

The buzz in the back of my left shoulder is some sort of hole into the past, things fly in and out tickling my muscle, the feeling spreads, soon it’ll be my whole back that memories swim in.

Kind people that were staying at the Gaijin House while I was in Tokyo. The twins are beautiful and funny.

My smile is infected with bitterness, a spiteful smile, chalk full of sarcasm. True pleasure might start in a state of awareness, feeling affected, an act, not real. I suppose it all starts with the ACT, the seeming that becomes. It is a natural process: the choice, the effort, these determine the being, the becoming, the became. Become pleasure, become happy, become thought, become man, become love.

If seeming is being then becoming is the process of holding onto an image and redefining it as it applies to myself. Thus what I think something is may be only an appearance and through the process of becoming I discover the insides of the image, the guts that make it real, the work that makes it work.